Due to popular demand (Chris asked), I’ve decided to elaborate on the various political positions of the new and righteous Due Consideration Party (DCP). Neither Republication nor Democrat, Libertarian nor Green, Punk nor Country, the DCP should be considered primarily reflective with a dash of mockery.

One of the best ways to define a new organization is to examine its established peers and the ways in which they lack. So let’s begin this introduction of the genius-soaked DCP by looking at the first paragraph from the Democratic Platform for 2000 (the last one they wrote, and, perhaps, the last one they may need to):

Today, America finds itself in the midst of prosperity, progress, and peace. We have arrived at this moment because of the hard work of the American people. This election will be about the big choices we have to make to secure prosperity that is broadly shared and progress that reaches all families in this new American century. In the year 2000, the Democratic Party stands ready to meet that challenge and to build on our achievements.

From an aesthetic standpoint, and yes, the DCP does weigh in heavily on aesthetics, the alliteration of “P” in the first sentence is so completely nauseating that it’s a wonder anyone would bother to read the rest. Of course, chances are not even Al Gore read the entire Platform. He was far too busy writing ignorant treatises on the internet and the environment to read such trivial goo. Now, please wipe the bile from your lips and proceed to look at the next two sentences. Here we have the “even though it’s not broke, we still need to keep fixing it” mantra, one endorsed by most people who want to keep their jobs, followed closely by the “we’ll kick its ass” promise that never fails to illicit giggles from the PR firm hired to write the platform.

I’m not going to move into the next few paragraphs of the DNC Platform, suffice to say there is indeed an invocation of Thomas Jefferson, that old slave-driving Virginian and James Madison’s favorite puppet. Much to my astonishment, they manage to tie Jefferson directly to Al Gore in 2000. I wonder if they were inherently tying George Bush to George Washington then, too, as the latter Georges were both initially victorious. And don’t worry, they also hammer on the American Dream and the bridge to the 21st century as expected.

I don’t want to beat to much on the DNC without also giving equal time to the two big parties and ignore the rest, as the big networks do. Here’s the first paragraph in the Republican National Committee’s (RNC) preamble to their 2000 Platform:

We meet at a remarkable time in the life of our country. Our powerful economy gives America a unique chance to confront persistent challenges. Our country, after an era of drift, must now set itself to important tasks and higher goals. The Republican Party has the vision and leadership to address these issues.

Great Caesar’s Ghost! I never expected to see such abstract poetry in the opening remarks of the RNC’s Platform! Does “Our country, after an era of drift…” refer to continental drift? Or has the entire country been following the remaining members of the Grateful Dead? Confusing, yes, interesting, you bet. But at least the Republican Party has the “vision” (aka: telekinesis) to provide leadership and address the issues that they didn’t define. WONDERFUL! If anyone is still wondering why Bill Simon didn’t win in California, the land of drift-visions, that person only needs to read this paragraph to realize that a party must first define the issues before addressing them.

But I digress, intentionally, because I have not yet contrived a Platform for the illustrious Due Consideration Party. Perhaps our new and glorious political mind would be better served without a Platform, without an outline for the future. After all, the process that led me to create this fantastic new brilliancy was born out of the need to actually consider an issue prior to taking a “hard-line” partisan stance.

In fact, the mere aspect of paying dues or making donations to this wondrous insight could pollute the political waters of Floating Foam Central. I can feel the breath of a thousand oil barons on my privates. They want to give me millions of dollars in exchange and a free Chevron Credit Card for favorable votes in Congress. We should remain independent and broke! The internet will be our voice, calling for a change of political underwear; the people will be our ears, listening for the doorbell of infamy; and the domesticated pets will be our noses, sniffing the asses of injustice! Join us and be one with your keyboard, a shout-out to the aesthetically challenged and the issue-less leaders of our country.

Michael Moore makes a good case for Paranoia and Fear being the common prizes at the bottom of most American cereal boxes in his latest film, Bowling for Columbine. Why else would the US have the highest rate of shooting deaths in the world?

So where does he think the fear comes from? He says the media promotes fear through the nightly “if it bleeds, it leads” campaign seen on any local news program. Moore also connects fear’s popularity to US involvement in foreign affairs, to the makers of weapons of mass destruction, to irresponsible parenting due to poverty.

Moore raises these questions in a promising fashion: without appearing overly partisan. He levels blame on any and all he sees connected, regardless of their politics or persuasion.

But without a comparative study of how many gun-wielding murders watch the nightly news, can we even hold them accountable? My guess is that most of the gang-bangers and hillbilly vigilantes aren’t snuggling up with grandma for an evening with Peter Jennings. Nor are they concerned (as I am) with the skin-melting therapy of nuclear war or foreign policy. Furthermore, there are PLENTY of non-poverty kids getting themselves caught up in gangs, drugs and/or mass murdering rampages to make his third claim a little less persuasive.

Here’s the rub. I consider myself more liberal then conservative, and after analyzing Moore’s arguments, I feel the light shining a bit heavily on the left. If I criticize his arguments, am I really criticizing an end to poverty? Am I endorsing the continued manufacturing of big bombs? Am I holding the media completely innocent of sensationalizing violence? Is Bush right? Am I, in fact, a CONSERVATIVE?

No, I’m not. I think more and more these days, I’m neither left or right, nor am I calling myself an Independent or Libertarian (poorly masked uber-conservatives). I see myself as a member of the Due Consideration Party, and I believe there are other members out there, wanting to believe but aware of the propaganda. Please contact me if you would like to join this new party, and I will tell you where to send the dues.

Ultimately Michael Moore’s film is tremendous because it forces a dialogue that many avoid at all costs. What we do with the information at the end of the film is, as always, our own concern.

WTF?!? I don’t get it.

Where did all of the stories and scripts go?

What about the projects, the links?

This sucks.

You’re damn right it sucks. Just like life, buddy.

Now that we’re over it, let me just take a moment to introduce you to the temporary floatingfoam.com. I’m working on a new site that will include a bunch of stories and links, but until it’s done, this is it.

However, I do have some things to say, just not today. Today is about putting up the temp site and pint night.