TA DA!! The script outline was finished this morning. I’ve never written an outline like this before. 19 pages seems more like a short story than an outline. Regardless, I’m pleased with the general structure of the story, and today I will proof it for inconsistencies and atrocities. There’s nothing worse than a movie or novel that is full of holes, one in which you easily unravel immediately upon completion. It’s one thing to not “buy” something. Say the plot is a little far-fetched or unusual. That’s acceptable to me. However, if something doesn’t make “sense” because it is undeveloped or haphazardly thrown in, then I have no tolerance.

So I will look for sense and nonsense in the outline, try to obliterate anything that seems forced or uninteresting, and turn the beast over to the 4. Then we’ll tear it up, and I’ll get with the actual writing, which, after just completing the outline, I am eagerly looking forward to.

Oh, by the way, in case you didn’t realize it, writing is hard. That is all.

Addendum to yesterday. Here are a few more monthly fees submitted by readers:

• Safety Deposit Box
• Banking
• Credit Cards
• Software
• Prepaid Legal
• Girl Scout Cookies
• Student loans

I’m still working on the outline for the script. It’s rather detailed, taking up no less than 18 pages. That’s a whole lotta words for a mere outline. I’m hoping to have it finished tomorrow for emailed transmission to the Woodland 4.

One of the situations within the script calls for a salesman to pitch a product that necessitates a monthly fee. Personally, I am entirely frustrated with monthly fees. It seems that more and more modern conveniences are extracting what seem like small amounts of money from us each month. Below is a short list of these fees, not limited to only the ones I incur. Also, some are yearly. I’m working on developing this list further, so if you think of one I missed, please email it to me or use the anonymous form.

• Mortgage/Rent
• Electricity & Gas
• Water & Sewage
• Waste
• Telephone
• Mobile Telephone/Pager
• Internet Service Provider/DSL
• Car Payment/Lease
• Cable/Dish
• Newspapers/Magazines
• Health Club/Gym
• Home Security System
• Child care/Babysitter
• Auto/Home/Life/Flood/etc. Insurance
• Web Space
• Gardener
• House Keeper
• Pool Man
• Storage Unit
• Web Site Subscriptions
• Union dues
• Religious Donations

I can no longer remember any telephone numbers. BECAUSE of this minor inconvenience, I have decided that technology has caused me to be afflicted with Alzheimer’s. When I walk to the one phone in my house that is not cordless—it is my favorite due to its superior connection and unrivaled clarity—I must consult the address book in my mobile phone to discover the number of the person I wish to call. This four-button step has reduced my reliance on my memory to the degree that I can no longer remember a telephone number from one end of the house to the other. Occasionally, I must consult the physical address book that Heidi created and maintains. This book is kept in our office that is, as you have probably guessed, at the far end of the house from the corded telephone. I will find the name I need, and begin circulating the number (555-1327) in my mind as I travel back to the corded phone. By the time I reach the phone, I have 555-1237 in my mind and, thusly, someone on the other end of the line to which I have nothing to say. So horrifying has my memory become that I often hold my mobile phone next to the corded phone as I dial one number at a time. Even with this direct transference of information I sometimes press the wrong number, thinking that the 2’s are far too 7ish.

Written numbers often require extended observation. Say I am once again consulting Heidi’s address book, and the person I wish to call had the misfortune of being entered into the book by yours truly. My penmanship, in decay since its peak in Mrs. Carlton’s eighth grade English class, is known to resemble Sanskrit. THEREFORE, I have deduced that technology has caused me to suffer from Parkinson’s. When forced to take pen to paper, my hand shakes and bobbles like a hand with, say…Parkinson’s. Without the keyboard of a computer, I am unable to complete a sentence due to the severe atrophy of the muscles my writing hand. Not to mention my own hand’s insufferable lack of a delete key or thesaurus. And let’s not forget that with my hand there is only one font, something between Times New Roman and Arial, yet in still in Sanskrit.

It is also difficult to inform you of my emotional response to these afflictions. You see, I no longer have the ability to construct a metaphor, a loss in creativity that can only be attributed to the rapid development of technology. CONSEQUENTLY, I have become nothing more than a thief. In this world, there is no need to conjure images of what one means. Simply dial into the Internet and search for it in Google. If you don’t find exactly what you are looking for, chances are you will find something close to or even better than what you had envisioned. And because it is the Internet, you are welcome to steal whatever it was that you found, even if it has an embossed logo. A basic understanding of Photoshop will take care of that logo, so that you can take full ownership of the idea.

In closing, I’d like to suggest to you, dear internet reader, that virtually every personal fault I observe in myself results from new and improved technologies. These technologies increase my dependence on them until, at some point, they will be newly improved so much that my afflictions will stop me from staying current with them. Hopefully, when this situation arises, someone has invented something that will assist me in my endeavors.

What is the difference between selfish and self-involved?

It seems that part of creating a story is creating characters who commit explicable acts. Why did the bad man kill the innocent man? A story tends to allow the audience to draw conclusions, either directly or indirectly. For example, a mystery novel will use the direct method and show us the true face of the killer at the end, unraveling the killer’s motives and/or psychology along the way. The indirect method gives no clean answers to questions of motive and/or psychology, leaving the audience to puzzle out the possibilities after the story is complete. In the latter scenario, the one man killed the other for what seems like no reason at all, and we can either try to sympathize with murderous feelings or exclude the killer from our society with no more thought.

How do you define intelligence? Does the smartest person you know have the largest vocabulary? Perhaps a stunning ability to recall historical events? Maybe the brightest person on your block is simply the one with the most money. Or is the most intelligent person you know is the quietest, staring somewhere between your ankles and your knees, thinking?

I can’t help but to extract generalizations where there are only subtleties, to postulate theories where evidence is scant. I need to. I must create a world where the direct method exists, and I must test it on everything I can. Over there, that man is obviously suffering from a mild case of depression. He has to because of the way he’s been acting. Why else would he put me off? Professor Comerchero scoffed at us for not accepting any generalizations because of our fear of crossing the threshold into stereotyping. And we all know that stereotyping leads to racism…

However, we must generalize to exist. We must make decisions of inclusion or exclusion based on our experiences. It is the only way to avoid danger. For example, we generalize about the speed at which we can safely navigate a winding, cliff-side road. We decide that 25 mph is the safest speed. Not because we’ve been proven wrong or we couldn’t drive faster and make it. Of course, different vehicles, weather conditions and degrees of inebriation should factor into our generalization, but they don’t. That’s what a generalization is, an admittedly poor definition of the way things work that is occasionally correct.

So what’s the difference between selfish and self-involved? Why did I take so many steps to get here? Selfishness is marked by an inability to properly share. Self-involved defines someone who is selfish in a philosophically acceptable manner. This is a tricky line of distinction because it is obvious that every distinct philosophy will view the selfish and the self-involved differently. Someone who does not always compromise can be seen as self-involved, while someone who never compromises can be seen as selfish. When does that line get crossed? The reason I ask is that I believe that most people, generally speaking, are self-involved. We must be to survive. Fighting over the last scrap of food is not selfish, it’s necessity, it’s looking out for number one. However, when we cross the line and exhibit selfish behavior, what is our direct reason for doing so? Do I really need that last slice of pecan pie? Must I have all of the zip disks in the office? Doesn’t Bill Gates have enough money? Why do we continue in this mode when we have enough?

The problem with answering the question above is that it is entirely dependent on the perception embedded within your philosophy, and all philosophies are plagued by generalities.