Man, I HATE storyboarding. My brain and my hand simply have two distinct personalities, and each attempts to wrest control of the project from the other.

I’ve got about 23 frames done so far. I’m expecting to have about 75 total, so I’m barely 1/3 there. My hand has a cramp for each frame completed. It’s amazing how atrophied my writing and doodling skills have become over the years. Stupid computers (just kidding, I love you all).

Once I’m done, I’ll post the humorous and pitiful results as well as return to the regularly scheduled blogging.

Oh, in case you haven’t read it and are interested, here’s the working script for All I Ever Think About Is Death.

Screen shot from The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion

Last Seed 21 3E433, 6:00 PM

I’ve completed my journey to the throne room of the Sideways Cave, dodging many imps and giant rats along the way.

*Sigh*

Sometimes the imps would give winged chase, but I was able to evade them with my wits and my newly acquired hi-top sneakers. Old Thelius sold me the sneakers for a Thieves price, but I had little time and knew the walk would be treacherous.

Since arriving at the throne room, I’ve begun preparing myself for the Lord’s arrival. I dusted the entire room and scattered some bed rolls and rusty weapons around to make the place cozier. But I fear my Lord will find the room inadequate.

*Sigh*

Why he asked me to go first and alone I’ll never know, but he is my liege and I must obey.

*Sigh*

I feel like I’ve been here since the First Seed, waiting for my Lord. While I am dismayed that he hasn’t yet arrived, I’ve had plenty of time for dance practice. I find that my new sneakers make me exceptionally light on my feet.

My Lord does love my dancing. He laughs heartily every time he sees me tra-la-la, calls in his advisors to see my terrific moves. They all laugh and beg for more. More is what I intend to show him when he arrives.

*Sigh*

Now it has been more than three weeks, and I am running low on supplies. I also fear some noises that once were distant. On the lighter side, my dancing has never been better! Tra-la-la!!

*Sigh*

I didn’t sleep a wink last night. The noise felt like it was just behind me. I noticed that I have begun to smell quite ripe, but my Lord told me to stay here, and that I must. Perhaps a bit of dancing will lift my spirits. Tra-la… What’s that in the shadows. Oh my dear, I think the wicked imps have found me!

*Sigh*

What did I do last Friday, you ask?

It just so happens that I was lucky enough to catch the Oscar Mayer wienermobile on the Woodland leg of its continuous national tour.

Why?

Floatingfoam reader SuperK asked me to assist him in covering the giant wiener for his famous local Web site, InsideWoodland.com.

So check out the article I wrote for it. I think you’ll find it sufficiently sausaged.

By the way, if you have any comments about it, please leave them on InsideWoodland.com. SuperK promised me a backrub for each comment left.

Yes, the pay’s cheap, but it is the wienermobile. I’d have done it for free. Just kidding Karl. A little higher. That’s right. Right there…

Last night I took in Bob’s new movie, Palace of Stains, at the Crest. Instead of telling you about the specifics of my experience, let me just say that I’m writing this standing up and I’m taking all my sustenance through a straw. The movie itself was fantastic and contained what is probably the best ending to any film, ever.

The line to get into the Crest to see Bob’s movie was long and fairly colorful. However, after whipping out my floatingfoam spectrohiptoslomometer and running a couple of tests, I realized that the majority of the folks in line were actually made up of 10% microbrew, 10% nicotine and 80% shades of the color gray.

In this photo, I caught Bob luring two unsuspecting people into performing “acts” for his next film. This, I have learned, is marginally different than “acting”.

A Bob movie is likely to include at least 2.46 orgy scenes, so Ivan got into the spirit and brought three ladies to the film premiere. Now I know why he misses so many game nights!

This picture is neither funny nor about Bob’s movie, just something we saw on the way back to the car. It’s a sad commentary on the state of downtown Sacramento, notably the area around K Street, where every doorstep is a late night motel. The irony the location being called a “Professional Building” was not lost on us.

In order to break my GRAW habit, I picked up The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, the new, hot role playing game for the Xbox 360. I’ve never been a big fan of massive RPGs, simply because I don’t have much time for gaming. However, I decided to give this one a chance based on the high marks it has already received from gaming magazines.

At more than three hours into it, I’ve barely started the game. Sure, I’ve built myself a character and axed a couple of goblins, but I’ve still only scratched the surface of a game that is rumored to take more than 100 hours to fully complete. To put this into perspective, I game about 2-3 hours a week, so it would take me almost one full year to finish The Elder Scrolls.

Going back to the character building, like most RPGs, this particular aspect is crucial to how you play the game. For some reason, I felt intimately connected to the bald elf as soon as it appeared on my screen. He called to me in a soft but husky transsexual kind of way, beckoned me to take nigh shit from any thickly-maned man. Once I emerged from the dungeon where the game begins, I quickly slaughtered every man with a full head of hair.

It will be my personal quest. Bugger the built-in storyline of the game. I am seeking vengeance against the persecutors of my pate.

Click here if you want to see the full screenshot that I clipped the above picture from. I took a photo of my tv, so it looks kind of cruddy.