The Nutty Buddy, featured on BusinessWeek’s list of the top product designs of 2006 is the most super-technologically advanced athletic cup available. Formed to the exact specifications of the “normal” male package, wearing the Nutty Buddy is like resting your sack in the palm of God’s own ethereal hand.

From the article:

[T]he Nutty Buddy is anatomically shaped to the human male, which provides never-before-seen levels of comfort while being able to withstand a baseball traveling at more than 100 mph. In addition, a “tail” passes between the legs to center the cup during activity and provide protection under the groin area.

Moreover, the Nutty Buddy can withstand a swift kick in the balls from anyone you know, making it the preferred athletic cup for stalkers and molesters. And the “tail,” also known as the Taint Saint, will ensure no baseballs injure you while you are lying on your back with your ass tilted slightly to the sky and your legs are spread wide apart. How many times have I’ve taken a crippling blow to the gooch in a similar posture? Thank you Nutty Buddy!

Clearly, the name is the real genius behind the Buddy’s forthcoming success. Just to play it safe, I did come up with a few others should the Buddy team run into trademark problems when going up against the alcoholic beverage of the same name. These are in no particular order, nor should this be considered an “exhaustive” list.

1. Fellows Friend
2. Scrotum Saver
3. Ball Blocker
4. Besty for Teste
5. Crotch Confidant
6. Berry Safe
7. Party in a Hat
8. Testiclamp
9. Gonadome
10. Jewelry Box

Link via Slashdot.

Yesterday I saw a man walk into the bathroom with a newspaper and a mug of coffee. It could have been tea or juice, I suppose, but coffee seems more appropriate for the bathroom.

I was at the urinal, urinating, but I watched the suited businessman cruise behind me through the mirror next to the urinal. He was reading the folded newspaper already and made his way nonchalantly into the far stall, reserved for handicapped people and those of us who like to grip the safety bars as we bear down.

Moments later, after situating himself, the man began his business with a trumpeting flourish. I dribbled some final drops and flushed the urinal. While I washed my hands, I heard the rustling of newspaper a couple of minor grunts.

I rinsed off my hands, dried them and then twirled and tucked my waxy ear-hairs back into my waxy ear-holes.

That’s when I heard the coffee mug being set down on top of the toilet paper dispenser, followed by a soft by sincere, “ahhh.”

“Good coffee or good shit?” I asked.

“Both, sir. Both.”

“Excellent. Carry on.”

I made my way back to the bank of cubicles in which I work, thinking that the scenario wasn’t all that strange. Coffee ignites the bowels like no other beverage, so it is fitting that one might bring a cup o’ joe into the can. It might just be the perfect compliment to reading and pooping, the classic approach.

Of course, then I imagined how great it would be to have a Starbucks or Peet’s kiosk right in the bathroom, maybe even serve drinks right to the stalls. Throw in a magazine stand and a shoe-shine, and the bathroom is truly transformed into a “rest” room.

It is an untapped market, folks. One of the chain coffee shops should jump on the opportunity. And for the first coffee company to come to my office toilet, I’d like to place a sitting order for a double Americano and a copy of Electronic Gaming Monthly.

So, I have to do some training tomorrow for my job, the kind of training where I’m the one giving the lessons, you dig. Anyway, I’ve never really done this kind of thing before. In fact, I’ve kind of avoided it.

For someone who likes to write and did well in college (English major), the natural course would have been to get my teaching credential or move on to a graduate degree and teach college-level. I opposed both of these options because I couldn’t see myself as being very tolerant of jackassical behavior, unless, of course, it was my own.

Why? Well, it turns out I spent the bulk of my primary, secondary, and college education being a general pain in the teacher’s ass. Whether I was refusing to do homework, talking back to the teacher or class clowning, I was full of disrespect and bad ideas.

As a spiritually agnostic person, the mere possibility of the existence of Karma is enough for me to never, ever stand in front of a class. Just a taste of what I dished out would be a miserable mouthful for me, so I’ve avoided the idea of teaching entirely.

So here I am, preparing a “lesson plan” which includes numerous jokes and defensive manuevers should I be heckled by the trainees. Truth is I’ve spent more time with the way I’ll train than with the actual training. I’m sure it will be one superficially delightful event! As long as I get through it unscathed, and they can say they were trained, we’ll all be happy, I guess.

My boy has a taste for camping. And dirt.

After this recent 20+hour downtime, it might be time to move foam to another host. The email and web outages at Dreamhost are becoming a little too familiar. I still think the DreamHost package is nicely featured, and the support team people are really nice, but all that means diddly-dick when the servers go down.

Also, I need to get a host that supports ColdFusion, since I’m using it so much now.

If anyone has a suggestion, please put it in the comments.